Of My Thoughts and Contemplations

This is part two… More drama? I think not…

It is because of deep thoughts and contemplations of my world in its entirety that I feel my mediocrity. I feel insignificant and could’ve done better. However, it is by those musings that I realize I am surrounded by people who love me, not only for who I am but also for I what I can do. I have my family and my friends who whisper to me, “You have done well.” I know I am loved; it is only by my frustrated insecurities that I forget to realize or feel that.

It is because of my deep thoughts and contemplations of my world in its entirety that I have somehow made sense of things. The week before last week was one of the most fruitful, enjoyable and enlightening weeks in my life. Let me explain. As a teenager, the course I wanted to take up was Comsci (Computer Science). Computer courses were the popular choice back then. My second choice, Business Management. Back then, I saw a manager as a “general job.” It was a job anyone can do even if you didn’t finish business management. With just a bit of training, a nurse could be a manager, an engineer could be a manager, a graphic designer could be a manager. But a manager cannot be a nurse, a manager cannot be an engineer, a manager cannot be a graphic designer. It was a course, I thought, I couldn’t boast about. Yet, it was the course I passed in U.P. so I ended up in that same course.

It was that week that changed my opinion on Business Management. I saw the fundamental nature of what it takes to be a manager. A manager has to be a leader; unafraid to take risks and move his team forward. A manager has to be brave; unafraid to take responsibility or to be resented when making the unpopular decision. A manager has to be intelligent; able to organize the business, control the processes required and create solutions for the company. A manager must be able to MANAGE; it is the integration of a commander, a peacemaker, a businessman, a creative director, a counselor and a friend.

But most of all, I believe what sets a manager apart from any other profession, is the passion. The passion to make your business better by empowering your employees and utilizing the best options for the growth of the company and the business. Business is at times impersonal and unethical. That's where the line, “it’s nothing personal, its business” comes from. But for a manager, whose concern is for the whole organization, it can’t be helped to be personally involved.

Why am I going on and on about Management and Managers? It’s because I think I have found a profession I can be good at (great even). As common or unimpressive as most would believe managers are, I believe it takes a special breed to be great at this job and not all can be excellent managers. If only I can turn back time, I can finally get to answer that question I have been wanting to answer ever since I was 5 years old.

As self-serving as this post may be, it reveals the kind of person I am. And I wanted to share it to you because I think, even if we haven’t personally met, you should know a more personally-in-depth me. Something purely of my thoughts and contemplations. Something purely me.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

As a kid, and even when I was in High School, I didn’t know what I want to do, or BE when I grow up. During the preparatory years and early elementary, the most cliché question you could ask a child would be, “What do you want to BE when you grow up?” The youngster would always have an answer. It is always the profession of the person they look up to. The top three answers would be teacher, doctor and architect. My brother wanted to be a doctor. My sister wanted to be a teacher. I, however, didn’t have an answer to that question at that time. I don’t think I can concretely answer that question even now. I am envious of those who had that passion so early in the game.

My siblings and I weren’t trained to pursue one thing and be good at it. We were brought up to take on whatever lay ahead of us. “You can be whatever you want to be! The world is yours for the taking!” – that was my Mom’s battle cry. And I love her for being like that, giving us the freedom to do what we want when we grow up. She is living proof of her own slogan. She has been successful and excelled in everything she does. My father is another prodigy. He has got to be the most hardworking man I know. He thrives on the idea, “If you work hard, it will come back to you tenfold.” They are best mentors I have ever had in my life. No professor can properly teach me half of what my parents know. I’ve always had a fear of losing them. Not really knowing how I’d move forward without their guidance. I’ve never disclosed this to any one because it seems pathetic in a way. Digression aside, amidst all the support, freedom and knowledge imparted by my parents, I just wish they directed all our drive to just a few things rather than to everything. For example, my father loves music. He has an awesome CD collection and he listens to them every time (when he is here in the Philippines). I inherited this passion but, for me, it is half-baked. I wish they got me music lessons or teach me to play an instrument. It is a passion which I nourish incompletely.

“Jack of All Trades, Master of None.” I honestly do not like that line. Unfortunately, it kinda applies to me (and maybe to some of you too). I can do a little bit of everything, but do not excel at one thing. I AM MEDIOCRE. It sounds so negative, but most of us are mediocre. Not everyone can be extraordinary or else, no one is. Some one has to play the role of the average guy and I think I currently fit into that category. Why do I say this? Why am I being such a downer? Maybe because of all the realizations I had these past few days. I used to think I knew a lot about music, movies, technology, literature, public speaking, gastronomy, etc. And then, at some point you will encounter someone better than you. Far better. And you realize, what you know is so miniscule, all that I-AM-SPECIAL feeling just disappears and is replaced by mediocrity.

Please don’t try to cheer me up. I don’t need it. Everything changes…

Part Two...Soon...


It is the culmination of a month’s worth of preparation, brain-storming and serious hard-work. It is the equivalent of everything that I have learned so far in college. It is what we have all been waiting for… It is that day…

4 days actually. Next week. Everything will come to play.

It all started with an idea. An idea that took on so many forms. I have always wondered, “are unique, outstanding, and totally out-of-the-box ideas a sudden flash of a bulb or does it require contemplation?” A question which I find myself feeling uneasy whenever I try to answer.

Rambling aside, the idea grew. It evolved. It matured. It was the logical next step. The only step to be taken, but a precarious phase nonetheless. And with that step, the next one became obvious and so did the next one, and the next one. The process was not at all delightful. It was littered with stress, frustration, rejection and illness. Although it did have its whimsical moments. The idea was now something more, much more. It has grown to be a challenging but exhilarating endeavor which has brought about magnificence, closeness and creativity.

It has required all my attention. My introvert in me rejects the notion of delegating. A true testament to the want-something-done-right line. It is the reason of my illness. The reason of my stress. The reason of my absence here.

And this is the part I say, I will be slightly nonexistent in the blogosphere starting next week. Not too long, just a four to six days. If you think of it, my short leave wouldn’t really matter because I usually only post once a week, so my time off would be inconsequential. But if you’re not too busy or want something more to read, please feel free to check out my review blog, inFLICKted and maybe you have a review in mind!

Before I go, let me thank all the people who voted for me at the recently concluded Pinoy Evil Blog Awards! I’m still waiting on whatever prize I won *glaring at Paolo’s direction*! Hahaha! A big congratulations to all the other winners too!

I have to go, got to finish the flyers and posters for Saturday. Wish me luck on my all-too-vague undertaking. Hehe. I’ll be back soon for updates (I can’t seem to get myself to update twitter more often).

When I was young-er

By the time I post this, the poll for the Pinoy Evil Blog Awards Poll will be closed, so there’s really no point in campaigning for my blog. I just wish I knew who nominated me so that I can thank him/her properly. And if any of you voted for me, thank you!

When I was a young-er, I enjoyed a normal childhood. I played out in the streets, came home all sweaty and dirty and had a blast with my cousins, neighbors and friends. We amused ourselves with every game an average kid would know: Langit-Lupa, Tumbang Preso, Patintero, Moro-Moro, and Taguan. We played some not so traditional games: Pass the Message, Dr. Quack Quack, Chinese Garter, and Dodgeball (the ball we used was a knotted up handkerchief). We even used props: Bahay Bahayan and Role Playing.

When I was still a kid, I basically got what I wanted. But that does not automatically mean I was a spoiled brat. I seldom asked for more than I deserved. Unfortunately, my parents believe their children deserve the world. Parents…Sometimes they get it right… I digress. So, my parents bought toys, toys, and more toys. Every birthday, every Christmas, every perfect score, I was treated to something new. I dare not try to remember the first ever toy I got, but the first toy I ever really liked and had a collection of was…Matchbox… These were small scale cars that could easily fit inside a matchbox (so aptly named). I had probably over a thousand of these cool cars which I stored in cool carrying cases for all my playmates to see and enjoy. Every time we went to the mall, I would always check out the toy section of the department store to see if there were any models which I have yet to possess. And every time, I went home with at least one.

I had another collection…Text Cards…More specifically, trading cards of X-Men characters. I had three favorite cards: Magneto, Professor X, and Phoenix. I never used them for games or for betting. The game was utterly simple. If I remember correctly, you flick your cards to the air and the if your cards land face up, you win (or something like that). Unfortunately, we all change and this was not made any less hurried by my short attention span. I quickly moved to a new prospect.

My parents bought me one of the coolest toys I’ve seen…NERF… This huge canon-like barrage weaponry was just what my crazy personality needed. I got to hurt everyone without really hurting or killing them thanks to the foam ammunition. Every time I hear the loud popping sound of the air pressure being released gave me a kiddie adrenaline rush. Too bad the ammo was too limited.

After all that chaos, I opted for simpler toys. Once again, my mind was jaded and indecisive. I knew now what I wanted. It was the simplest of toys but it fascinated me…The Slinky… This coil shaped toy was my ultimate desire for a whole year and never asked for another toy. As simple as it was, it kept me entertained and occupied during the most tedious of times. I had the rainbow colored plastic slinky and the metal slinky. Other simple toys/games I liked was the slap bracelet (not really a toy nor a game, but I liked it!) and Pogs which I believe was popularized by Coca-Cola.

After the simple came the complex. I started playing with “high-tech” toys. 2 Ts mainly covered this point…Tamiya…and…Tamagotchi… I got into Tamagotchi because my aunt gave all of her nephews and nieces one. So the challenge of raising the best monster pet was on between us cousins. It was so stupid and yet you feel so weirdly attached to it. But I never named a pet, ever. As for Tamiya, it was introduced to me by an older cousin. This was the time was so eager to be an adult because they got to do what they want. I played the toy and the game and was hooked. I always modified my racer to make it faster, lighter and balanced. This is the only time I will ever be a mechanic.

And finally, One of the best games I’ve ever played in my life was during my late elementary years, to early high school. It required intelligence, strategy and mettle. It is not only a great game but also a wonderful collection. The name fittingly says it all…MAGIC: The Gathering… I know, it seems kinda dorky but it is definitely entertaining and a good strategy game. The artwork is equally magnificent. I have several specialty decks created during those days (the unglued edition was great! Haha!). The game MAGIC is still alive today and has spawned plenty of expansions, but if you ask me, “old magic” is always the best and strongest…

But now, all of these toys and games are given away, lost (when we moved houses) discarded, or destroyed (I had used the images from Wikipedia). How sad that the things that gave me so much pleasure when I was a child is carelessly discarded and no more. I want to discuss more about my childhood and how much I miss it nowadays, but I guess I have to leave that for another post (this one’s long as it is!). I know I missed a whole bunch of other toys. I didn’t even share my discourse on whether “action figures” are really just dolls for boys. But I’m sure everyone has their opinion. Share it, and let me know okay? Till then, I’m off…